Back to Life, Back to Reality

If you're real quiet, you can hear the 80's hit from Soul II Soul blarring across Wall Street as they finally realize it time to get "Back to Life, Back to the Present Time, Back from a Fantasy!" Even an oddly positive report from ADP was not enough to continue the rally on the floor.

Today, the news is dominated by the fact that the GDP only rose by 1.9% in the 2nd quarter. See, this caused shock waves since investors truly believed those $600 Government Stimulous Checks were going to push the economy forward. This is when "fantasy land" tends to tick me off. Of course those checks were not going to stimulate the economy when people can't afford their monthly bills, let alone food to put on the table. But, then again, I guess you would have to come down from the hill, Capital Hill that is, for more than just a photo-opt or to kiss a baby to understand this phenomenon. I tell you what, it's not all State Dinners and Fund Raisers in the real world, people! Excuse me for a second while I step down from my soapbox.

Okay, I'm back. Not all things are going bad in world, however. Yes, Exxon Mobil & Shell reported record breaking profits of $11.6 and $11 Billion respectively. But it is important for you to understand they have no control of their profits. It is simply supply & demand, no price gouging here...and by the way, I have some great ocean front property in Arizona, are you interested? Also, it seems as if Starbucks stated they will close more stores than they open next year after reporting a quarterly loss. I know this may seem like bad news, but actually I am standing up and screaming "AMEN." Clearly there is no need to have 54 Starbucks within a 2 block radius...it becomes a little frightening.

One industry that is benefiting from the economic slow down in the ice-cold, froathy Beer Industry. Yes, it looks like more people are having some tears in their beers as of late. Let's just look at a small sample, say my office. We have 8 employees and everyone looks forward to 5pm when we can indulge ourselves in a frosty beverage and forget that mortgage guidelines change every 23.4 seconds. If this is any indication, the whole world is joining in with a "This Bud's for You" to wipe away their worries. What would the world be without a few vices? Downright scary, that's what!

Let's move on to the world of politics and celebrities...unfortuately, they have become innertwined in the good 'ol US of A. While Barack Obama gets all kinds of celebrity endorsements and draws crowds like he is freakin' Madonna, McCain creates a made for TV ad comparing his celebrity to Brittney Spears & Paris Hilton. Okay McCain, I get your point, however, if you want to be taken seriously let's try comparing him to a celebrity that at least graduated from High School. Or better yet, how about we try to keep the running of our country separate from those who act for a living. But I guess our leaders have to pick up pointers from somewhere!

Put on Your Rally Caps...We're Heading for Victory

It seems like all those wacky investors are "drinking the punch," and worse yet, they're liking it! The Dow has been up over 100 points this morning. How is this possible? Well, ADP came out with a surprisingly happy employment report stating that the private sector as created 9,000 jobs this month. Maybe I'm a simpleton or possibly just a Debbie Downer, but it seems to me with the plethora of layoffs in the news, including the 15% job cuts announced by GM today, we are still waaayyyy in the red.

But never fear, the FED IS HERE! Yes, they have become quite the wily Super-Hero as of late by once again extending their emergency borrowing program to Wall Street Banks. I might try to pick up some extra funds by designing Bernanke a fun super-hero uniform, complete with a utility belt. Of course it would be flashy and green (for money), and would have one side with black stripes for when things are good, and the other side with red for when things are going down. He will be able to shoot lightening bolts from one sleeve to tell people to be more responsible and realistic with their funds, and sprinkle glitter from the other arm to let us know when it is time to start singing, "Let the Good Times Roll," again. Yes, this is clearly what we need to move forward in this country. Screw hope & change, I vote for CAPTAIN FED! Seriously folks, I feel that we are living in a cartoon world these days where people just say & do with no basis on fact. Normally this type of behavior would not bother me, but when it effects the world at large and people's opinions of their current state, we all might as well dress up as super-heroes and at least have some fun!

Since it seems as though I am on a bit of a rampage today, let's just go ahead and turn to the Hollywood Minute, shall we? The only thing I have to look forward to these days is the return of the new 90210! Can you even believe it? But it does get better....they are bringing back Brenda Walsh & Kelly Taylor!!!!!! Dylan McKay turned down initial offers, but I bet he will be back in no time, along with the lovable Steve Sanders and the super cute Brandon Walsh. It's simply too much!

The Sun Will Come Out, Tomorrow

Have those pesky traders on Wall Street been secretly watching "Annie" to boost their morale and the markets? Can't you see it now, the trading floor breaking out into a spontaneous rendition of "It's a Hard-Knock Life for Us?" Genius! Whatever they are doing down in the pitt is working since the markets are all in the green this morning.

This is great news, right? Well, my friends, I feel Kermit the Frog might be right, it's not easy being green. Why do I say this? It seems as though this bump is the direct result of Merrill Lynch & Co. trying to turn their frown upside down by selling off a large amount of their asset-backed securities & issuing loads of new stock, all to raise $8.5 Billion in cold, hard cash! It is hard for me to understand how an act of such pure desperation can result in a rally, but whatever gets you through the night, right?

Also making headlines this morning is Sony announcing they are reporting a 47.4% drop in profits for the 2nd quarter. What? People are not spending money on electronics, TV's and gaming systems? Puzzling!

One thing is remaining constant through all the ups & downs of Wall Street however, and that is Americans decreased demand for Black Gold & Texas Tea! Combine that will a strengthening Dollar and you have oil prices falling toward $123/barrel- Yippee! The fact that I am so excited by this 'lowered' price makes me want to slap myself & call me Sally! It is really quite reminiscent of the time, not so long ago, when I almost caused a 6-car pile up by making an illegal U-turn in the middle of 158 for $3.79/gallon gas...since when did that become a bargain-basement price? Luckily, no one was injured in my quest for gas, and I continued home feeling glorious about my purchase, almost like I had gotten one over on the man! In reality though folks, the man is clearly getting over on us. Why do I say this? Well, could it be the crazy profits in the food industry while I now hate to go grocery shopping, or is it that BP reported a 28% rise in 2nd Quarter Profits! Sometimes I wish I was part of the man, then I would teach them how to roll around the floor in piles of money while hysterically laughing! A girl can dream, right?

Finally, the gossip world is all a-buzz with our favorite "Rehab" singer, Amy Winehouse. Apparently, she was rushed to the hospital last night after she had some kind of reaction to a drug or medication. Luckily she was released this morning and is once again roaming the streets of London...can't her parents go all Britney on her butt? It seems to be working for the former Pop-Tart!

Bring Out the Shovels...We Have some Diggin' To Do!

Lots of news on this sticky hot Monday! I'll tell you whut (random Hank Hill reference), trying to figure out where rates are going is getting as bad as a trip to Vegas! It's madness I tell ya! I hate to report that everything is draped in red this morning. To me it's a welcome change as Friday saw 2 rate increases! Gheez!
Let's start with some good news. Kraft Foods is posting a 4% increase in profits for Q2. Perhaps more people are eating Velveeta and Oreos? Not! They just raised their prices. Tricky. Verizon Wireless is also on the upside of things. They are still off on their projected earnings but we'll take a small victory here and there. I love me some Verizon Wireless! "Can you hear me now?" Hey, did you hear that Congress passed that new housing legislation that will help over 400,000 homeowners? Well they did. My bet is that you won't see much if any relief from that. Look here...if you want to give us relief, let everyone refinance out of their ARM's no matter what the appraisal, income or debt looks like! I am a genius. That's why I'm not in politics. Just too smart. They can't handle me.
Time for a quick flip to the dark side. I don't like being a Negative Nancy so how's bout I just get it all out in one quick blurp. K...here goes...Oil is back up to $124 a barrel on supply worries (good one), Toyota lowered it's 2008 target and the world is in total chaos. Ok I can't back that last one up but I can top it. Have you ever had a rich relative that you loved dearly but couldn't wait until they kicked the bucket bcs you were set to inherit a small fortune? It's ok. I won't tell. Well let's think about our impending leader of the free world for a moment shall we? Whoever takes over the coveted office is set to inherit some "stuff"....none of it good! How does $490 billion in debt sound? Not so nice! How does one tackle such a debt? I mean, I fired the maid, started shopping at the Food Cat and have even sunk to doing my own pedicures. That alone saves me at least a few bucks a month. Maybe we should make the new President live in the ghetto, clean his own house and establish some sort of re-payment plan. You know like that credit counseling you see on TV. It seems apparent that we are living outside of our means. Just a thought. Glad I'm not waiting in line for that inheritance!
Now on to the best part of the day...funny stuff! If you have a TV I'm sure you've heard about the man that's slowly been cashing in over $20 million in...well it's not clear where the money came from but the word inheritance has been thrown around. Also thrown into the ring, Uncle Jose and Aunt Esther from Mexico. It seems this man lives close to the border and he was trying to "help a brotha out" by trading some old money for new. He walked into the flippin Federal Reserve and tried to cash in a bunch of old loot in exchange for a cashiers check in the same amount. What part of that was a good idea? Had he not been slowly cashing exchanging at several banks around the country, the Fed's may not have noticed. Or maybe they would since its $20 million! He's not sure where the money came from other than the ole relatives from Mexico said they found it all tattered and needed to exchange it. His best theory...that it was from a land deal gone bad and the owner buried it along with him in his coffin. Seems Uncle Jose was out digging after he found a treasure map and waaalaaa...there it was! Maybe the government should cease the funds and apply it to the $490 billion they owe. Just a thought.
Final words...See Batman! It was excellent. 2.5 hours long so wear your fuzzies. Have a great day!

That's Right, I Called It!

Well, well, well. It seems as if Ms. Cleo has struck again folks. If you recall from yesterday's post, I was feeling a wee bit of guilt for the state of the markets. I felt as if, somehow, our absence had sucked all the positivity out of the world. Now, one day into spreading my good vibrations...guess what? Positive News. It truly frightens me, this power I have. What is all this agreeable news, you may ask? First of all, oil prices fell sharply this morning as we have simply stopped demanding so much of the stuff. All these "oil men" thought we were just a little too addicted to their stash...It seems as though Americans aren't afraid to pull out transportation #1 and transportation #2 (translation: their feet) when it gets too expensive to drive. Here's a thought, maybe this new found "lack of demand" will also solve our out of control obesity problem. Done & done. See, there is always a silver line to every dark cloud. Also, topping the positive charts, is the fact that even though both are still low, consumer confidence rose from its 28 year low, and new home sales fell less than expected. Now, to be fair, not all the news coming out is good...we need a few more days until that happens. We found out that foreclosures rose 14% in the 2nd quarter, which is up over 121% from this time last year. Also, it seems like Seven Jeans & True Religion will not be getting their back to school boost. No, expect Wal-Mart to post great numbers, while other retailers will suffer. But hey, that's okay. In the words of Will Smith, "You go to school to learn, not for a fashion show." In other news, those crazy billionaires are at it again. Yes, Bill Gates and Michael Bloomberg are joining forces to create interstellar domination...I mean they want the world to quit smoking. They are pledging $500 Million to this cause. Maybe they should help some of these people get some food so they won't have to repress their hunger with ciggies...but I digress. Finally, onto the disturbing world of Hollywood...or simply celebrities. The crack addicted, cigarette smoking, emphysema having, wife of a jailbird, Amy Winehouse, has issued one of the most laughable statements of all time. Yes, she said, "I want at least five kids. I want twins. Blake is gonna be the most amazing dad." Is this before or after a hit of crack. Enough said.

Busta Move

I somehow feel responsible for the state of the economy, since it seems as if Negative Nancy has set up permanent residence during our hiatus. But never fear, the ever-cheerful Polly Positive will try to infiltrate the dark world of the economy, bringing the return of sunshine & rainbows! That being said, however, the markets are draped in red this morning as investors look for the release of existing home sales. After a slight bump in May, they are expected to resume their decline in June. I didn't notice, did you? Also, because of the increasing number of layoff's, the unemployment numbers rose to unexpected levels, but there is good news on the horizon! The Federal Minimum Wage rose today to $6.55 per hour. This will be quite helpful as I resort to flipping burgers as Mickey D's! Oh, and there is also this Housing Bill in Congress that is closer than ever to becoming law. We will have to wait and see if this will be the miracle cure some are hoping for. I must admit though that I am quite the Doubting Donna when it comes to rescue plans. If all else fails, we can all go work at Amazon. They saw their 2nd quarter profits double. That means they can hire me, right? In other news, there is a new trend in the financial world. Yes, troubled bankers, traders and money managers are flocking in record numbers to Yoga Classes to combat stress and chant in groups. For some reason, there are Yogi's who are troubled by this turn of events saying the "money business" conflicts with the essence of yoga. I call Bull Hockey. 'Cause you know what, everyone could use a little zen in their lives. Instead of focusing on the conflicts, I say we embrace the differences and make the world a better place, for the true meaning and essence of zen is personal and without judgement! Now, for the moment you have all been waiting for....Yes, the Hollywood minute (did you think we would forget)? So much has happened since we last spoke. The Jolie-Pitts have welcomed two more children into their brood, and if you pay attention in the media, you would think these births created a large star in the sky and angels singing on high. Also, Britney Spears has gone from Trash-tastic and crazy to poised and elegant. And finally, Lindsey Lohan went from a virtual man-eater to a budding lesbian...oh, the life of Hollywood starlets!

We're Back!

You asked for more of our Market Updates and we listened! Yes, we took a small...ok long vacation but we're back! We will continue to update you on market blurbs, blips and blobs every day! How cool are we to be part of the blogger world? It's the next step in total world domination is what it is! Check back on Thursday for our first official/information post. This one is a test of the emergency blogger situation. Oh and yes we will still have the Hollywood moment! Lots of scandal lately. See you soon!